执着

执着是一种美。其美在于执着的艰难和太多人的放弃。干干净净的放弃本身也可以如落樱之美，但不完全的放弃只剩下斑驳的欲望。执着是纯粹的； 纯粹本身是一种美。

执着是一种悲剧。其悲剧在于因为没有而不得不坚持，执着是其唯一的所有。 其悲剧在于执着者的清醒， 清醒而孤独地每分钟坚持着没有希望的坚持。

悲剧使其更美。

The word 执着 means holding on something, not giving up or yielding to.

执着 is of beauty. Its beauty lies in that it is so easy to give up and there are so many giving ups. A complete giving up could also be as beautiful as falling flowers. However, a head turning back in the middle way only exposes twisted desire on the face. 执着 is pure; purity itself is of beauty.

执着 is of tragedy. Its tragedy lies in that 执着 is a desperate effort trying to keep in his world what was already gone in the outside world. It is the only thing left to keep. Its tragedy is deepened by the clear consciousness of the person, who has to repeat the same decision at every moment to hold on what is hopeless.

The tragedy makes it most beautiful.

执子之手

死生契阔，与子相悦；
执子之手，与子偕老。

--出自《诗经·邶风·击鼓》

My translation:

In death or life,
However separated far or near,
We have an agreement.
Holding your hand,
We shall grow old together.

Jia's translation:

In turns of life and death,
Separated however near or far,
We interwine our fates by an oath.
Following the invisible soul link,
Taking your hands to my heart,
Let Time carry us together into the future.

World(s)

One world: the world of nature.

Two worlds: the world of nature, and my world

Multiple worlds: my world, and the outside worlds such as the world of human race, and the world of nature.

Two worlds: my world, and the other.

-------------------------------------------------

One world: my world.

No world.

Any world(s).

God

If you believe in God, God is there in your world. If you believe that God is kind, your God is.

What if you do not believe in God (the one referred by Bible)? Then you are God of your world. This is because you have the opportunity to assign a meaning to everything in your world; you have the ultimate control to say Yes or No.

Are you a free-will God? Answer is No. You are part of the human race, which is part of the nature world. Being part of them, your carry on their assignments when you were born. For example, you are rewarded with sensations if you make love, which is intended by the human race, whose God is the individuals living now or once lived.

With the existence of your world and the outside worlds, there are an issue of conflicting wills. Different ways in handling it make this human society so interesting. You could achieve consistency and harmony by accepting the "mighty" God from the outside, such as the one referred in Bible which is created by the human race and is representative. You could fight for your complete free will inside and outside your world, until you are shaken off.

Does it mean that you can't have your free will? It depends on how you exercise your will. If you are contented with being God of your own world and see the boundary of your world, you could be invulnerable. However, if you extend your will to the outside, you make an achilles' heel. With what is carried in one's body since his birth, one is directed to the common path. Again, resisting it makes it strong, and yielding to it lets you lost. See it, see its force, see its force on your world, and let it dissolve.

常记溪亭日暮

Here is a Ci poem by poet Li QingZhao (李清照), recalling a day of boozy boating:

如梦令
常记溪亭日暮，沉醉不知归路。
兴尽晚回舟，误入藕花深处。
争渡，争渡，
惊起一滩鸥鹭。

Always remember that sunset,
Over the pavilion by the creek.

So tipsy, we could not think out the way home.

Contented and exhausted,
In the late night,
We headed the boat back home.

But suddenly found us lost,
Deeply in a bed of blooming water lilies.

Row! Row the boat!

A flock of herons, frightened,
Flying to sky.

(My modified translation is based on the one given by Lucy Chao Ho)

佛说：一切皆为虚幻

Buddha says: Everything is void.

Void is just one aspect of the nature. As an individual thing in the world, one can assign a meaning to his existence. Then a meaningful world is created, for one.

It does not matter whether the assigned meaning is "absolutely" (nothing in Existence is absolute indeed) significant or relevant to others. You believe it is, then it is, to you. If you question its meaning, your world would collapse unless you make another. All these are made possible because the source is the Void, which makes everything possible, assigned meaning meaningful, and different assignments all meaningful.

Make a choice by selecting a meaning for your world that pleases your heat. Stick to it until your game is over or it would please you to change it. However, in the game, keep your mind open, so you won't be devoured by the world, the meaning of the world that you created.

What if one does not want to assign a meaning to his world and continue the game, but want to see through it. He is denying or rejecting his existence. If one accepts your existence, his world is not void. Death might be the state directly connected to the Void. However, one's death is the birth of another. Therefore, there might never been any state which the Void is accessible, for us. On the other hand, Void is behind Existence at any time.

Many things I lost over years

The feeling of sadness, for the child. The feeling of guilty, for myself.

What is my current life? My heart is not pleased. But I could not find a way out. It is the endless fogs around.

What I have lost over years? Long time ago, I did not have evil feeling against anybody. I thought communications could always solve problems. I had many dreams.

I had been fighting, maybe since I lost trust in others, since I found ugliness and evilness in the world. Yes, I succeeded in not being exploited, but I lost many things I once had. I lost myself.

In the eve of 2009 Chinese New Year, I said to myself: for everyone I encountered and was not pleased with, I let my grudge go. Everyone is offered a new beginning in my world, no matter what we have went through.

I see things that I could do in the near future, meaningful things, that would please my heart.

无极生太极, 太极生两仪

Existence is brooded from Void, and Ying (the negative) and Yang (the positive) are brooded from Existence. (Somebody says that this is a conceptual model, and no time relationship exists among them. But I think it as the process through which this nature forms itself.)

Ying and Yang are from the same source; the existence of one is the existence of the other. The stronger one becomes, the stronger the other. Resisting to either one only makes it stronger. This might explain what Oscar Wilde said "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."

However, yielding will let one to be a mere slave of the forces. One would lose himself and lose his choice. Instead of resisting or yielding, one can look at the impact of forces on himself, seeing it, knowing its consequence, and might still having a chance to make choices, to certain extent.